it wasn't lemon gatorade
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize