hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They took my balls.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
