How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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