What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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