Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
