I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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