I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
