you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
ok first of all what the fuck
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize