would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
