dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
