lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
