i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
