the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
