Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this beer tastes like vomit already
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Randomize
