What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
