Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
