I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
