I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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