at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
