I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
