today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize