I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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