i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
