Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
