i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
