We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
