puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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