Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
