he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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