I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize