YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need to calm my uterus...
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