His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
