So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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