I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
