I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
