I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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