That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
