i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My ass is underappreciated
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
