well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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