3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
