So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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