seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
