I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
