no, he came in my armpit
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm having to shit out rocks
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