Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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