Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
