Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
