I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you win again, gameday.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
