so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
