I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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