I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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