Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
