do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
