I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We need to rekindle our bromance
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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