At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
