We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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