I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she smelled like a LAN party
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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