Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
