Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I supernannyed him into submission
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
