Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
