Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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