I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
