onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
