His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
