all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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