Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
