I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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