roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
