Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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