He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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