my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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