i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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