Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
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