There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
