Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We left the knife in your bed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize